why bad just tastes so good

do you ever get a hankering for chinese? sure, we all do. but i mean a real craving, one that seems to bubble up from the pits of your stomach only to overflow into your consciousness - a craving that won't cease until it's satiated by sodium-laced egg noodles?

well, i had one of those last night. it was imperative that i wash my car and deposit some checks after work. but the little white folding box fairy paid me a visit during my commute, and all my errands flew out the window. i was elated by the thought of sitting cross-legged on my couch in pajamas with a plate filled with chow mein and kung pao and watching the polar express. and don't forget the piping-hot bowl of hot and sour soup on the side...

since moving to the jack london square area not too long ago, i have yet to explore the takeout possibilities that await me in nearby chinatown. my hesitation stems not from laziness, but rather from fear. while i pride myself on being mostly adventurous in the culinary world, the authenticity of the dishes served at the establishments in oakland's chinatown district is a bit much for your average white girl-seeking-moo shu.

the americanization of chinese cuisine truly upsets some. search "chinese" near "94607" on yelp and you'll be faced with a flurry of reviews by local hipsters who are disgusted by the absence of culture in potstickers and crab rangoon. "it's so greasy!" exclaims one. "it was decent, i wouldn't call it authentic" writes another. "i'm looking for an upscale chinese restaurant. any ideas?" but what's missing from these yelp rants is the simple idea that this kind of chinese food tastes good. really good. as hard as it is to admit, there are people out there, even east bay foodies, who enjoy nothing more than an eggroll smothered in flourescent red dipping sauce.

i like a hot and sour soup whose contents are unrecognizable to me.

i like chicken chow mein with a noodle-to-vegetable ratio of about 56:1. and i like to drown it in soy sauce. and eat it cold the next day.

i know. but i'm a foodie!

before you completely discredit me, please know that i realize food from places like panda express is truly inedible. but that's mainly due to the fact that their pork nuggets and bok choy sit in steam trays for days on end, which cause them to harden and crystalize. and i do believe more upscale places, like berkeley's shen hua, do have a certain panache that is hard to resist.

sure, call me crazy. take away my "foodie card." but nothing is quite as satisfying as chinese food from a restaurant that gives you a free hanging wall calendar with your take out order.

note: some reviews state that shen hua falls under the category of "gross americanized chinese food." those yelpers - so picky!